Grieving a Parent or Spouse in a Season of Joy
The holidays are sold as a time of joy, family, and warmth. But if you’ve lost a spouse or a parent, this season can feel like salt in a wound. The empty chair at the table. The stocking you don’t hang. The songs that bring you to tears in the grocery store.
You’re not broken for feeling this way. You’re grieving.
Grief expert Megan Devine, author of It’s OK That You’re Not OK, reminds us that grief isn’t a problem to fix. It’s a natural, human response to losing someone you love. Her work pushes back against the idea that we should “move on” or “get over it,” especially during the holidays. Instead, she invites us to make space for grief, to tell the truth about how much it hurts, and to find people who can sit with us in it.
If you’re missing a spouse or a parent this season, you don’t have to do this alone— even if your support system is mostly online right now. There are virtual communities where you can show up exactly as you are:
- Refuge in Grief (Megan Devine) – Articles, courses, and a supportive approach to grief that doesn’t rush you or tell you to “look on the bright side.” I personally join the writing community annually during the month of my darkest grief. I find great relief in being with other grievers and expressing my grief in this group. Check it out.
- Facebook grief communities – Search for groups like:
- “Motherless Daughters” or “Daughters Grieving Mothers”
- “Widows and Widowers Support Group”
- “Grief Support After the Loss of a Parent”
- Online forums and programs – Look for grief discussion boards through hospitals, hospice organizations, or nonprofits like GriefShare, which list local and online groups.
Everyone’s grief is different. Some days you might want to talk. Other days you might just want to read other people’s stories and know you’re not the only one who feels this way.
As you move through the holiday season, a few gentle ideas:
- Let some things go. You don’t have to do every tradition this year. Choose one or two that feel comforting, and give yourself permission to skip the rest.
- Create a small ritual. Light a candle, make their favorite dessert, play “their” song, or share one story about them with someone you trust.
- Practice simple self‑care. Eat something nourishing. Step outside for a few minutes. Take a shower. These basic acts don’t fix grief, but they help your body survive it.
- Reach out, even a little. Send a message to a grief group. Text a friend: “Today is hard.” You don’t have to pour out your heart. Just letting someone know you’re struggling can ease the weight.
If you’re also caring for an aging parent, or living alone after a loss, daily tasks can become overwhelming. It’s okay to need help with meals, errands, or companionship. Asking for support is not a weakness; it’s an act of care for yourself and the person you lost. They loved you—they would not want you to suffer alone.
This holiday season, your only “job” is to survive and, when you can, be a little kinder to yourself than you were yesterday. Your grief is real. Your love is real. And while nothing makes that empty chair okay, you do not have to face it in isolation—there is a community, even a virtual one, ready to sit beside you.
