I never actually got to the bottom of the issue, but I realized on that day, in that moment, that the dynamic was different. It was different, and it never went back to pre-cobweb status. I realized that I had to step up.  I thought of all of the small changes that I noticed — differences in traditional meals, the exhaustion on my parents faces with routine tasks, and financial stressors.

I’m guessing you found Lavenderly because something difficult, maybe terrible, has happened.  Maybe it hasn’t happened yet and you are anticipating/dreading it. Someone you love may have received a diagnosis that means everything will change.  Maybe your doctor casually mentioned that your family may need home care, and you’re trying to figure out what that even is…Maybe your family member is desperately in need of a break after caring for another family member around the clock.  Maybe you have crossed the threshold from being cared for by the adults around you and entered the scary world of having to care for them.  Maybe it feels like you have to get a PhD in elder care in the next 24 hours, or maybe you have time to build a plan.

What I can promise you is that your plan will continue to evolve. Needs evolve, and tend to grow over time.  While family and friends are helpful and may take on what they can, it may not cover what you really need when you need it. The financial, emotional, and practical are all relevant. This approach won’t stop needing your attention, until death — and that is a whole other kettle of fish. 

And if you are juggling your own family, your own career, your siblings, and your own health, every day may feel like a minor panic attack.  Or you may feel like you have the plates spinning in the air now but you know one minor issue will bring them all crashing down.  It is not a sign of defeat to seek help; it’s a sign of responsibility. 

Often, Lavenderly is supporting the oldest daughter, helping the entire family stay in synch to support the person needing care.  Lavenderly can help if you are feeling the responsibility to understand, build options, plan and execute.

At Lavenderly, we can talk about hard things.  We believe that we must talk about the hard things, and work on them too.  The families who do plan have better choices than people who don’t plan. We can talk about grief and death and financial stress and emotional exhaustion. 

We can share what we learned, so you aren’t figuring it out alone.  We can discuss what the latest is in the world of caregiving, and what  hasn’t worked, too.  I hope you’ll ask questions.  Also, I hope you’ll share your experiences, because I am certain that they will help others.

To get started on your journey, I’ll share this: How To Relieve the Stress of Caring for an Aging Parent.

I am interested to hear about your step up moment — if you have had one already.  Or if you haven’t, I hope that hearing other stories helps you on your journey.