My first adult caregiver experiences were exhausting, emotionally and physically.  I felt tired and terrified — like I was definitely doing it wrong.  I thought that I was empathetic, have done basics to care for sick or aging folks before, and figured I would wing it.  Oof.

After I saw the way that the Certified Nursing Assistants turned my mom without lifting, I realized that I had a lot to learn.  Watching the look of joy that came over my mother’s face when she received shampoo cap hair wash is a moment I’ll never forget.  Although Dad and I quickly learned some of the basics, I also wanted to maintain a mother daughter relationship with my mom; I wanted to give her the dignity that she wanted as her life ended.  And my father and I were pulling long shifts and wearing out. 

Hospice care provided a nurse for two hours a week.  We covered the other 166 hours.  That is four full time equivalents each week.  What starts as soup and medication management becomes much more.  It was my honor to care for my mom.  I was also lucky to find a good team to help us get some sleep, stay energized, and maintain some boundaries. 

There are so many resources for caregiving, but let’s start here:

The AARP Caregiver Answer Book

How do you maintain the parent child relationship as your parents age?  Have you learned a few caregiving tips that would help others?